“The thought of killing oneself is a great consolation: by means of it one gets through many a dark night.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche
Room 303, an unknown Lodge
Dim lights, Mid-Night fog
Phone Line Disconnected. Only Noise, a low voice from the Television set.
One last letter to the world.
A Man has a weakness, making mistakes. That mistake lead him to guilt. The guilt leads to shame.
Tries to compensate the shame with pride. when pride fails, despair takes over and they all lead to his destruction.*
Typed in fast, “How to kill oneself softly” in Google. Glanced through all the links, found a promising Blog, got list of alternatives with simple steps on method of execution.
He zeroed down to 6+6 method.
He went to the Table, Placed a Vodka and Six sleeping pills.
“This is it, Am ready !” said Richard Brooks staring at the mirror.
He tried to open the vodka.
But, cap was too tight. Cheap stuff thought to himself. He took the knife, and tried to remove it. Still, no luck.
“What the hell are you doing ?” a voice spoke in thin air
Puzzled Richard,
He switched off the TV. To concentrate better on the errand of unlocking the bottle.
“It’s Vodka speaking, dear Richard”
“You may be ready to die today, but I am not, So could you let me counsel you for a while” continued Vodka in a husky tone
Richard went to Rest Room, splashed water to his head, touched the mirror again and again to find that it is not a dream.
He came back to the table
“All right, Why should I listen to you ?” answered Richard
“I am at an Advantage, I have an immense understanding of Man and his Madness, I can throw some light into your darkness ”
“…for Generations, I intently listened human conversations for long nights, Stories of their Break ups, Jokes on Bosses, Nagging wives, Murder deals, ah ! list is endless”
“Now Brooks, what is yours ?”
“Pointless universe” shouted Richard
Vodka bursted out in laughter,
“You are insane, how could you be so stupid ? No one kills oneself for such a simple reason”
“I am a Particle Physicist, and a PhD, you should respect my views;
My intense research in my private lab have clearly shown that Universe got no feedback loops to correct itself. Every simple step we take, be it writing a book, or starting an engine, or playing a Saxophone, we create chaos to the system, every energy particle that we spent on these activities creates further disorder into the universe and we don’t have any one (unless you believe in God) who comes in rescue to set back to Order”
“That’s depressing, but what is the evidence?” curiously asked Vodka
“A Reading Desk” replied Richard
“Let’s take a hypothesis, Ten files arranged in an alphabetical order on this desk. Suddenly, windblown all the files to Ground”
“What you do next, hurriedly you pick them up and arrange them up in alphabetical order in five minutes time; Now the irony of life is this, Universe doesn’t have an invisible hand which pick the files fallen on Ground and it doesn’t even keep the memory of any Alphabetical order”
“Look around you, All the Atoms in Air move in random patterns, when you try changing their position, they fall back to same random patterns”
“But, how does all this interconnects ?” questioned Vodka
“I, a universe of atoms, an atom in the universe” remarked the physicist
“Listen my dear Vodka, you cannot win this argument, so be prepared to die with me” shouted Richard Brooks
“I won’t give up, let’s have a deal, we can make this suicide soft”
Staring at the wall clock,
Now the Time is 10:00 PM, do not take all the pills at a time.
Six Pills, Six sips; We both are dead.
Give an interval and listen to me
If my reflections doesn’t convince you, then decide to make your move.
Richard took the first pill, and the first sip.
“Game begins, cheers” said Richard
Vodka adjusted its voice and began the discourse
“I firmly believe that Mother Nature teaches you better lessons than anyone else”
Richard reprimanded, “We did nothing to her, rather disturb her more under Economic Progress”
Vodka replied “True, nevertheless it’s better to learn from the teacher, than worry upon what you did to her”
“Come straight to the point” Richard said in an irritating tone
“She took Nine rough months to create you, don’t you feel the importance in Life’s creation and existence, it needs millions of cells, cluster into tissues, and get assembled for a specific purpose to serve you better, be it breathing, thinking or moving”
“Today, you want to kill a beautiful design, such a Masterpiece in split second is a saddening scene”
Richard shouted back, “Cut off the sentiments, Am still not convinced”
He took second pill and the second sip.
Vodka in a hurried tone, “Go slow, looks like you are too impulsive; When everyone consider Death as an uninvited Guest, you seem to seek it like a Blind date, you idiot”
“You got three chances left” said Brooks
“Here is my next argument, What if everything we believe is wrong ? Centuries ago Men believed Earth is center of the Solar System and today you know the truth that it doesn’t. Same may apply to feedback loops, we never knew if we have enough information to conclude such remarks and take a life”
“I am darn sure on what I believe in, it’s Astrophysics, not Astrology” said Richard
“But, giving room for a reasonable doubt is an ideal way to look forward;
Don’t you feel sorry for all those who propagated Cigarette smoking safe years ago and later discovered it being the major cause for cancer; Doubt everything, and consider that the entire human knowledge is only a rumor, and today you are just betting on it with cent percent confidence” said Vodka
“Am not sure either, you are confusing me, anyways smoking is an addiction, nobody cares if it leads to Cancer or not”
Richard took third pill and the third sip of Vodka
His eyes turned red, face turned pale
“Listen to me carefully, no one got answers to these Big philosophical questions on Universe, Human existence or Life after death; only way to sustain is to live without any answers, better get lost to the world around you like any Regular Man getting busy with his work, Woman with her kitchen, Artist with his Art, Adventurer with his travels and Nature with its survival strategies”
“I don’t care, I want to live with a reason and die with a reason”
Brooks took fourth tablet and the fourth sip.
Vodka knows it is close to encounter the final destiny, Better try with emotions, thought the Bottle.
“Oh ! let’s try to be unselfish, why don’t you think of your loved ones, parents and your friends”
“What difference they make in my life, knowing the truth, even they follow my lead”
Vodka continued, “Let’s try to think of the best memories you had in life, don’t you miss them, don’t you want them to be repeated, your first prize in school, your first love, your best friends, everything that cherished you ”
“No feedback loop, No future” concluded Roberts
He took the fifth tablet and the fifth sip.
Now, Vodka started recollecting it’s best memories in Life, and thought the final moments are arrived.
Vodka in high tone said, “This is it, One more Tablet and One more sip, both of us will reach heavens”
“Mr. Roberts, Am not sure, If I am as smart as you, but know the purpose of life is not shunya, we don’t know great apects of life, all we can do is wait and watch for the miracles and withstand to miseries, I cannot control the Sun, the Moon and the Stars, I cannot control Galaxies or Universe, I cannot control society, I cannot control neighbors, I cannot control your choice of death nor fate, the absence or presence of feedback loops too is not under my control; Externals impact you , unless you allow them to.
All I believe is, you are lucky to be born as a Human. I don’t have a soul, but you have it, I can never feel the pain nor the ecstasy, God made you unto a God in the form of Man.
Remember this, being born as a Human is like winning a lottery of One billion planets”
Richard took the sixth pill and dissolved it in the vodka.
“Have a Good Night sleep”
-x-
NOTE on a Fact: In Italy on September 5th, 1906, An Austrian Physicist and Philosopher, Mr. Ludwig Boltzmann killed himself. He is the first person to discover that Universe is Pointless with no feedback loops.
{Photo Credit: Digital Seance}
